Thomas Gordon: Active Listening

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it is because he has a need. The child’s organism is in a state of “disequilibrium” because there is something going on inside him. He wants, or needs something.
In order to bring the organism back to a state of equilibrium the child begins to talk. Gordon gives the example of hunger. When a child is hungry, he must communicate his hunger to someone else. He selects a signal he thinks represents his hunger to the other person. The child picks a code (encoding process) and perhaps says, “When is dinner ready, mom?” The mother might decode the message accurately and understand that the child is hungry. However, she might decode the message inaccurately and communication might break down.
In active listening, the mother could check on the accuracy of her decoding by telling the child her thoughts.
Once the child hears the mother’s feedback, he is able to tell her mother that she decoded wrong. As communication continues, the mother will have a true understanding of his ...

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